2005

2005 has been a good year. 2 more days and anything can happen...however the last 363 days have been memorable and may even be once-in-lifetime experience!!

What will 2006 be?

Some wise men said - the first couple of weeks into a new year will usually determines how the year going to be.

Really?

Maybe....

Whatever it is, I will forever cherish 2005.

$ingapore

Whoever said that Singapore is the land of shopping must very rich!

The one word to express my very short holiday there is - Expensive!! If I can have two words then it'll be - Bloody Expensive!!

Maybe my expectations were too high, I was hoping to at least buy some stuff that I thought gonna be a bit cheaper than in KL. My list was short...one bottle of perfume, one Clinique product and a nice leather handbag. I came home with none...and still broke. The only consolation I have is the fact that I got the chance to visit Dodek and bring the kids for their long-awaited vacation. Plus I got to indulge myself with loads of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream...yummmm.

With a forex converstaion of RM2.23 : SGD1.00, it was a tad difficult not to convert mentally whenever I see a price tag and wonder how much cheaper things are in KL. For example, a puny sized roti canai (or prata as the Singaporeans call it) is SGD0.60 and the size is half my palm. The roti telur goes up to SGD3.00 per piece. A bottle of mineral water is SGD2.00 and a small (lousy) plate of 3 pieces of (lousy) beefballs costed us SGD7.00.

The (in)famous Orchard Road posed a different threat altogether to our wallets. Opi was shocked to see a box of cookies for SGD35.00 hahahaha. The lovely handbags that I was eyeing for were priced slightly higher than in Starhill or KLCC. So all I could do was just to drool over the gorgeous soft leather of Coach and MarcJacobs...sigh.....

Anyway the highlights for the trip must be the Night Safari (well, aside from Ben & Jerry's of course!). Its not really the animals that struck a chord with me, it was the staff there. They made the trip very enjoyable that I tend to forget the fact that one adult admission is SGD24.00. I'm amazed that....it was a non-stinking zoo!!

Since it is still school holidays....this weekend will be the movie marathon. Yippee!

Its gonna be Narnia, Zathura and King Kong....all in one Saturday. Lets just see how the kids keep up with my plan...since it was Opi's masterplan anyway...hahaha.

Its the time again!

I hate this time of the year!

The annual appraisal time. What have I achieved, what are my strengths and what are my (bloody) weaknesses?? What will be my improvement plans?

But the worst will be the 360degrees evaluation by my boss, my staff and colleagues I work with over the year. I dont mind having some constructive feedback but what I cannot stand is when people just casually mention my achievements but trumpeted and magnified stuff like.....

1. You participated well in so and so projects however you need to improve your teamwork. Why? Because you did not turn up for the project dinners! What the f**k is that??!!

2. You lead the team well but I cannot give you high marks because one of your staff is under performance review. Well....I can't help it if the company hires some stupid people and just so happens that this stupid person works for me!!

3. You have to be more focussed in meetings. Huh? How is that? Ooo...that's because it was noted by some people that you sometimes laugh in meetings. Hell yes but what about my deliverables? You see...as much as you delivered but it is all about visibility...you know, how people see you. Again....WTF?!

I'm not having my PMS while writing this. Just that I cannot agree with all the junk they ask us to write about deliverables and measurable craps for our performance at the beginning of the year...only to lose out to some silly dinners and visibility!!??

You may disagree with me on this but...I'm pissed!

Aiyo!

The movie : Flightplan

Opi sat still even way after the final scene.

Opi : Mummy? Benda dalam movie tu semua tipu kan?

Mummy : Benda apa?

Opi : Kalau Opi tido dalam aeroplane...ada tak orang curi Opi..??

Mummy : Takde lah! Kalau ada pun...kan Mummy ada...

Opi : Itulah pasal! Mummy gemuk lah...camner nak masuk dalam lubang-lubang kecik tu nak cari Opi nanti....??????

Hmmmmpppphhhhh!!!!!!

Losing my password

This so-called IT orgainisation that I am in has too many applications and that translates to having too many passwords. Not just that, due to SOx compliancy and all...the passwords have got to change ever so often.

The above is just lame excuse for someone who is totally disorganised and prone to memory-loss!

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Now whatever happened between the last and now?

Well, I finally got my haircut. Very short. Very very short!
So I asked my hubby "macam Sofea Jane tak?" and don't ask me what his reply was :-(

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I'm so looking forward for Raya. I always love all the Lagu Raya and I enjoy malam raya where the smell of freshly boiled ketupat and the kuah kacang...yumm...yummm

And the kids are growing up very fast. I went to KLCC with the kids and stopped by Esprit to look at their Raya clothes. Opi quickly pleaded NOT to buy anything for him there.

"Why?"
"Because...too many colours...malu lah...macam budak kecik aje"
"So, which shop you want?"

He won...so now he can wear his surfers' t-shirt with "No Rules, No School" emblazoned across the chest!!

Isya is a bit confused now. She wants just plain blue jeans for Raya. No frilly pants, no cute colourful jeans...just plain blue. And don't even think of getting her a girlie dress. And she's so into make-up now...she can handle applying her own mascara pretty well for 3.5 years old lady.

Oh well.....another Raya!

I'm back!

I finally remembered my password!

So I'm back....with crew-cut hair.

I've so much to write about but I need to run and get my claims all setlled for the coming Raya....

My Children's Views....

When I was a kid...I was kinda hoping that I had a working mom. The same Mak...but a working mom. Those kids that did have, were gloating over the fact that their moms wear nice lipsticks and nice baju kurungs. I've always known that Mak is very beautiful...its just that I wished I could say..."Mak kita kerja kat xxxxx...."

Now that I am working - My kids wish that I'm not. Opi keeps comparing me to all his friends and cousins who have stay-at-home moms. He complaints about not having anyone to 'bye-bye' him when he goes off to school. He hates the fact that I come home sometimes late in the evenings. Isya keeps on asking me to just give up the quest of nak cari duit untuk Isya and Opi. And I caught Opi several times lying to his friends that "Mummy aku tak kerja...dia gi kedai aje sat..."

Opi wishes that he's one of Jim Bob's sons...and looks at Cik Mah Junior with awe. And tells me - Aboy best lah...pasal Mak dia tak payah kerja...

Hmmm.....
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I have this urge to cut my hair short....like really short. All the salons I went told me to either do rebonding or perming. Hell no! First of all...I truly believe the reason lies in the $$$ that I will spend there and not so much for me. I mean rebonding or perming gonna set me back RM300 - RM500! So I'm sure that all these 'sharks' are just out to squeeze me dry....

Then I browse through all the old photos with me in short hair. Showed them to Opi and Isya, "Cantik tak kalau mummy buat rambut camni?"

Both of them looked at all the photos and said "Erm...tapi sekarang mummy gemuk yek?"

Look children...focus now to the question. Don't digress from the topic. The issue is the hair...not my body size or my chubby cheeks ok? Aiyoh.....

Now I have a few options:
1) Straightening - and risk having a real flat top!
2) Perming - gonna add more 'weight' on my already chubby self....
3) Cut it really short - I may end up looking so androgynous (spelling?)
4) Leave it as it is - Yup...yup....how boring life can be........

Oh well - at least something else on my mind other than.....the waiting game!! MUAHAHAHAHA...... oo...screw it!

The Waiting Game

Penantian itu satu penyeksaan...sape2 yang tau tu...dia yang paham....

For every second, I just stare at the phone. Please ring....you bugger!! Or just SMS me...even if it doesn't come through...please tell me something. Don't give me - it will surely come, just wait. Tell me something concrete. Something that I can really give a big sigh of relief.

Ring......Ring......

The Unknowns!

Aiyoh! Today (again) Opi has 'problems' with his little birdie. It hurts too much when he goes to the toilet and I've no idea how to ease the pain. Hell...how would I know how the 'thing' works? So I resorted to minyak gamat...took a couple of tissue and, pour the minyak and started cleaning the 'top' part. He winced in pain and Husband (the ever so helpful) quickly said to me, "Jangan letak minyak...nanti melecet!"

"Ok...what else am I supposed to do?"

"Ask him to clean it again"

"I'm cleaning lah ni...water alone doesn't seem to work"

"Pergi sunat aje"

"Yes and no, dear...what's the immediate solution here? Sunat is long term solution. Your son is in pain here..."

"Biar je lah...nanti malam kita gi klinik...just don't do that minyak again"

So I stopped.

But I'm still thinking...how do I help him? I went through the internet and typed "ketuat"...well I guess that's what its called. But apparently "ketuat" refers to kutil or corn or ringworms. I tried keying in "genital problems" and all I got were female-specifics problems like yeast infection, labial adhesion (what?) and urinary infection. Sheesh!

Anyone can help?

Something for the Children

Just a thought for the children...an excerpt from Kahlil Gibran's Children.

"...They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you..."

But as I read it more and ponder upon it...this is mainly for the parents to keep a fresh reminder daily. And to accept the challenges, weaknesses, pains and tribulations of raising children. We can say that we want the best for them....the best school...the best friends...the best experience...the best everything. But ultimately, we cannot run their lives.

There were occasions when I remember Mak told me about dah lama makan garam and I remember telling Isya the same thing. I guess that's all we can do - impart our own experiences and hope that they don't do the same 'mistakes'.

Recovering

I hope that I’ve fully recovered from the shopping bug that infected me when I was in Dubai. Its rather hard to resume normal life after you indulged yourself in the shopping paradise. People said that Dubai streets are lined with gold – they are correct! I’ve never seen so many gold shops in my entire life. The gold designs are different from one shop to another and Mak had the best times in her life.

The weather was scorching hot at above 40 degrees – but we sweated our ways through the gold souq, spice souq, Burjuman, Meena Bazaar and the unforgettable boat ride (Abra) across the Deira Creek. Husband actually fell into the ‘shopping trap’ and got himself a couple of Guy Laroche suits, Rockport leather shoes, Caterpillar knapsack and some shirts for all under AE$1000!

What else can I say? Its very difficult to recover from a good vacation. And this one has got to be the best one so far.

So….Dubai….I’ll come again….so save some of the superbly delicious mango juice for me!

Hush now...lil baby...

We often overlook the unconditional parental love and guidance over possessiveness. Maybe to some extent, its true. Most parents will say that you’ll only know the feelings when you are a parent yourself. That is spot on. I picked up an extract from Eminem’s song…how fitting…

Parents will want the best for all their children. How cliche it sounds, the children are bound to mock. There's a joke that if you see someone (in your opinion) is disgusting - you'll say,"...only his/her mother will love her." A case in hand will be when I saw Opi rolling in the tar yesterday...he was all covered with black tar and sweaty, his cheeks were smudged with chilli sauce and some of the workers were screaming bloody murder at him to stay away from their tar. I came quickly, pulled him out of the tar...and all I saw was my son's twinkling eyes. At that particular moment, all I wanted to do was snap his picture and treasure it for times to come. Because I know (or I fear that) he will forget that moment.

Now for the song...

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, i told ya
Mummy's here to hold ya through the night

And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'll give you the world
I'll buy a diamond ring for you
I'll sing for you

I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'll break that birdies neck I'd go back to the jeweller who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

Green Monster

**A scene in an electrical shop in a certain shopping centre**

A man was browsing around, looking at the range of washing machines when a young saleslady came and asked him if he needed any help. So the man said, yes and continued looking through.

“Abang kerja kat *** ye?” the saleslady said while staring at the man’s t-shirt. The company’s logo was sewn across the t-shirt (obviously!).

“Yes, why?”

“Abang berpangkat ye?” The saleslady continued.

“Huh?”

“Abang nampak macam berpangkat…macam orang kaya-kaya…”

“Errmm..”

“Betul ni…abang kaya ye?”

Ok...enough is enough, woman! Can’t you see the man’s wife is this bleached blonde bitch!!

I was (and still am) utterly appalled by the sheer audacity of these young girls nowadays. They will just go up to any man – whom they assume fulfill their criteria and…try their luck.

If the girl continue doing that to 20 men – maybe one will call her back. If she does so to 50 men – maybe one will truly has money to splurge on her. Maybe she will be the next Norjuma…

This is just playing the theory of probability, right? Or like what people say, lempar jer pukat…mana tau untung rugi – To catch a big fish, just throw the fishing net for you don’t know your luck.

By the way – its Sen Heng at Alamanda. There you go…

There's a reason why this post is in green...my jealousy monster is definitely on a rampage...

Finally...

Finally - I’ve given up on posting pictures on my blog. The company I’m working with has this strict policy that restrict staff from downloading “unfamiliar and non-work related” softwares. There goes Hello!

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Finally – Mak’s house is ready. How I wish I could post the exquisite pictures of Mak’s house. Yes – after 4 months of dusty cement, noisy knocking and ear-deafening drillings…the house is finally renovated. Its rather majestic-looking, I’d say. From the wrought iron automatic gate to the newly refurbished porch – Odin’s car is now parked under a grand plaster ceiling porch with a zesty-looking copper fan!

“I don’t know when our house gonna have all these...” I lamented to Jim Bob.

“Never…” was his simple reply.

Yup. Probably never. Nevertheless the best feeling is the proud looks on Mak and Abah’s faces when we wow-ed our way in.

Dodek and Lolita – Odin’s room is now the grandest. Ain’t it fun being the youngest? He has his mini gym, overlooking the front field and he’s charging 5 bucks if anyone wants to use his toilet!

Anyway, you’ll have a look yourselves when you come back to Malaysia.

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Finally - Opi has his computer. Husband installed so many games on it that Opi, Aboy, Apiz and Husband just couldn’t stop playing! Isya and I were so dead bored that both of us fell asleep a couple of times in front of the TV.

I can never get the hang of playing games. Isya too. So both of us went to the nearby hair salon and prettied ourselves up. Needless to say, none of them realized that we were gone and none of them noticed our hair…sigh.

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Finally Isya has her own hamsters. Her Mama and Pak Jai gave her two of their newly born hamsters. She looks at them day and night. She pinches them and strokes them all the time. She loves to pick up the wood shavings and cover the hamsters with them. Frankly if the two hamsters last one week – I’d be surprised.

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All the ‘finally’ in one weekend.

Its funny how the word 'finally' actually marks a new beginning.

Buff...Buff Away...

I seem to develop a sudden craze for buffing my nails. Eversince I bought the Big Nail Shiner from Body Shop...I just couldn't stop. I'm buffing my nails in the car, in the office, at home, after shower.....o'oh...I'm like this buff-maniac!

My fingernails are so shiny now, I can use them as mirrors!

Not just that - I'm also buffing Isya's nails, Opi's nails and...Husband's toenails. Well....he wants them shiny...but not to the extend of attracting 'unnecessary' attention to his fingers.

How come I've never into this before?? Geez...maybe I'm not such a true bimbo after all...sigh...

Ooooo....my nails are so shiny, I wish I know how to post pictures on my blog so that you can see.

Go and buy that thing now...it only cost RM12.50 and you'll have ultra shiny nails. It comes with three surfaces - first, you buff then you smooth out the surfaces. Then you shine...

Trust me - it makes your nails look better than french manicure.

The Story of a Brave Man

Nine years ago, today, a brave young man attempted the near impossible. He went and risked his freedom, his sanity and all he has worked for. Not just that he also jeopardized his ambitions and not to mention, his brains!

For he…married a woman, whom everyone thought was a bit crazy.

She was nothing like him. Where he owned two degrees, she had to struggle through kindergarten. She had this strange apprehension towards cashiers, because she found it difficult to count coins in front of strangers. He spoke of intellect; she listened…and fell asleep most of the times. He enjoyed movies; she still watched with him…and fell asleep most of the times. He dressed well with his Dockers, Polo t-shirts and all…while she dressed in faded Bermudas and torn t-shirts.

They met by chance…at one of the pillars in Sg Wang Plaza. He wore a properly pressed shirt and just got off from office. She had crew cut hair and came with jeans, as she was unemployed. And was smoking like a chimney!

From there on, they made a rather odd couple.

When he proposed, she thought it was a joke. Then she thought – hey, planning a wedding could be amusing! She never stopped to think about life after the wedding – the actual marriage itself.

From day one, they struggled to stay together. Somehow, they found a reason to strive. They had with them a rented low-cost flat, a battered Iswara and two low paying jobs. The economic backlash in 1997 hit them hard. It was the year that their son was borne and now, with three mouths to feed.

It went so bad that one day, she had to cautiously unfold the duit mas kahwin that she had kept safely in the drawer. She was so hungry and as much as she searched high and low for some money, she still couldn’t find any. From the duit mas kahwin, she had four RM10 dollar notes so she used that to buy a few packets of Maggi Mee and Nursoy Milk for the son.

The man had two jobs, just to make ends meet. They hardly see each other, yet they found ways to keep on talking. They would talk and laughed about everything.

Now nine years and two children later, they’re still together.

To the wise man who took a crazy woman to be your wife – HAPPY 9th ANNIVERSARY!

Seeing Red...

Just an update from my previous post.

Is this fashion? Am I too old? Or is this simply...a tad too much?

This was what she wore...(if this particular person reads blogs and happens to stumble here - yes, I'm writing about you.)

A tight, red singlet over a tight, black skirt. Ok - so what, you'd think.

The side slit of the black skirt is so high...it goes well over the panty. About an inch over the panty.

The colour of the panty - red.

Are you Tempted?

Many men I know will not admit to this fact. They hide behind the overly used phrase “I’m not like most men”. The fact is simple – they fall for sexy looking thing.

The girl who flicks her hair. The bosomy one with the low cut tight t’shirt. The gentle swaying of the butt…especially if with one of those low-slung Levi’s.

Maybe I’m not being too descriptive for you to follow here. Let’s try again.

Imagine this, a pretty girl sits in front of you…with a loose silk shirt and a few undo buttons revealing glimpse of her lacy red bra when she swings her hair left and right. She keeps on tugging her already short tight skirt…the simple action that automatically makes another person look at her well-toned thighs. She (purposely?) folds her arms to accentuate her cleavage…then leans forward closely to you…to hear what you’re saying. In doing so, she exposes more of her bra and cleavange. To top it all, she puts on her ‘bedroom’ voice and looks at you with a certain…gaze.

Tell me…please and be honest and any men (straight men, that is) will be taken in by her charm and the sexuality.

And tell me...if you're a woman and you happen to be her supervisor...what do you do?

I've no idea what to do or even say.

I've seen numerous disapproving glances from other ladies and even received even verbal complaints about her 'behaviour' and dressing (or lack of it). But how exactly do you approach this subject? Especially when we're working in a company that practically has no dress-code...anything goes.

So...how do you say that Miss A can wear sleaveless becasue she's not as 'melentik' as Miss B. Duh? I've no exact English translation for 'melentik', that is. Erm..not as 'sexually and intentionally provocative'??

There was this one time, during a meeting when she stretched her body...looking tired...and her singlet top lifted up and showed off her pierced belly button. The dangling navel ring was in the shape of a ... shell (sigh!). All the men in the room gawked...and there goes the discussion about the tape library upgrade in Pikenba, Australia.

Its just common sense. But I guess common sense ain't so common after all...

My (Non) Progress Part I

As I'm writing this, I'm gobbling down a packet of white rice - Penuh...not separuh, with fried chicken, some tempe goreng and sambal telur. Gulping down Vanilla Coke at the same time.

How's that for my so-called will power?

I've a will power the size of a point zero(10x) one mm.

But as always...my diet starts tomorrow.

I'm a Fat Swan!

I caught a glimpse of myself while trying on some cheap, silver bracelets in Alamanda. And I hate what I saw! A pudgy, out-of-shape, haggard-looking woman with a bagful of lauk-pauk for dinner and messy hair.

I also saw Oprah, the one that showed the typical 'then' and 'now' pictures. The one that got stuck in my head must be the lady who ditched her glasses, grew her hair longer, slimmed down 5 kgs and started dressing 'younger'. Undoubtedly, she's looking a lot more...attractive. The reason - her husband exchanged her for a younger, prettier wife. So she took one good look in the mirror and vowed to change herself. That's not it. The actual one that got stuck in my brain - when Husband casually mentioned "she should've thought of that a lot earlier."

And now - I'm the one thinking about it.

Let's make this as public as possible. I'm gonna track my progress...starting from today. Though I'm not gonna reveal my exact weight, obviously! Let's see if my will is strong enough to pull this one through. And this time - no artificial help...no Duromine, no Zantrex-3, no Biodex...nothing. Let's just rely on my own will. And Marlboro Lights, of course!

Where's my Denise Austin CD again???

My Laws in Life

For so many years, I’ve my life in accordance to the 48 Laws of Power. I’ve equated my victories, accomplishments, worries and challenges to one or a few of the Laws.

At work, my main principle is definitely Law # 1 - Never Outshine the Master
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

For tasks that I’ve at my workplace, is Law # 30 - Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless
Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.

And of course, sometimes Law # 7 - Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit
Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

I’m imparting some Laws to people I love…I repeatedly tell them about Law # 5 - So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

Then about Laws # 19 and 20:
Law 19 - Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person
There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.

Law 20 - Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

For those who have loved and lost, it’s always good to remember Law # 36 - Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

And to achieve greatness, and acceptance by people around you, remember all the Laws but keep in mind, Law # 46 at all times:

Law 46 - Never appear too Perfect
Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

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But...life is like a box of hopping bunnies. It gives a cute appearance but when you thought you knew it all, it comes hopping back...at you...around you and drives you mad.

We can plan and hope that luck is on our side...and that things will turn out as we plan them to be.

Can love conquers all?

Or is love an over-rated word to cover lust? Or loneliness? Or need to be like others?

In a relationship, especially if its new and the adrenaline of 'being in love' is still rushing through their heads, then the couple will look into life through their heavily rose-tinted mirror and all they see are...roses.

But roses come with thorns, my dear.

And roses need a lot of tender loving care...to continue blooming.

Roses are sweet to smell and nice to look at...and fragile at the same time.

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The L-Word

Almost everyday I have lunch with these ladies. They’re smart, fun-loving, witty ladies. They talk about the politics of the world, of the development of blackberry and of course, MNG sales. After lunch, they freshen up with the works…lipstick, hair and slight spritz of perfume. In short – ‘they’ constitute of the majority working ladies you find everywhere daily. The only difference is – they prefer another woman.

I told them – I’m not homophobic. I don’t care about your sexual preference. You don’t disturb me…then I will not disturb you.

But truthfully – I am bothered.

I’m quite apprehensive ever since I knew the truth.

I just cannot fully understand why attractive ladies prefer the company of another female. I don’t detest them. I just don’t understand the reason why. Is it an inherent trait? Is it something that is built over the years – abusive boyfriend, over-caring girlfriend, peer influence, the in-thing….what??

Now – I feel so awkward. Guys normally turn their heads to look at these ladies. I sometimes feel like screaming – don’t bother…they’re gays….they’re the L-word.

Lifestyles of the the rich and not famous

“Is this how it feels when money is not a problem?”

The words of Jim Bob when we were having dinner at the Hai Tien Lo Restaurant, Pan Pacific Hotel.

The giddiness of being attended to by 6 waitresses, the supremacy of ordering almost anything without the need to peek inside our wallets, the glitters of gold, the flounce of dresses…we could eat with our fingers and the waitress would immediately rushed us a bowl of warm water with a slice of lemon to wash our fingers. The children could run around and make noise, yet they were served with lollipops and mandarin oranges.

Nevertheless – all those things remain immaterial. For money cannot buy the look of pride on Mak’s face and the gratified guise of Abah’s smile. I’ve never seen Mak looked so radiant before – so resplendent in her black, flowy chiffon and maroon scarf.

“This is good…I’m happy…for I was down before…so down that we had only 45sen in our pockets”. Bang Jai said quietly while looking around if everyone was having a good time. I laughed out loud – my natural defense mechanism to hide my tears.

We then changed the subject to a more carefree note, a big congratulation to Jim Bob to finally receive his brand new Naza. Now he can fit in all his children without being looked at as driving a ‘motorboat’! Now Isya keeps on begging her daddy to buy Anaza – she mixed up Naza and Avanza.

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People say – money is the root of all evils.

Family clashes, friends become foes, children abandon their parents, neighbours quarrel and countries at war. Is it true? Because if it is…I pray hard that my family will not be a victim of such syndrome. Yes money can buy us all the material wants and needs but no amount of money can purchase the squeals of the children’s laughter. Nor the affection of parental love or the warmth of genuine smiles.

For my family – my parents, my brothers, my sisters, my husband and children – one gentle advice from me. For all the things that money can buy, it cannot buy the unadulterated and unconditional love, respect and trust that we have with one another. It cannot buy memories of our childhood. It cannot buy the tenderness of a mother’s hugs nor the struggle of a father’s daily labor to bring us food on the table.

So is this how it feels to have money? I don’t know, Jim Bob…

Because when the money comes – so does insecurities.

I do hope you will still keep coming to my house, please remember that Opi and Isya have always love taking rides with you in your car, regardless of what car you drive…

Moh poei PD!!!

Ooo....interesting CNY, I'm gonna have... Husband is back...Dodek is back...Mak's house (first phase) is finally ready...and we're going off to PD!!

Not that I fancy PD at all...but the thoughts of family gathering gives me a warm feeling.

Point to self - bring that sunblock lotion. And I hope those people in PD will not be offended by my bikini. Hahaha....

Polish...the floor or the nails?

For all that its worth – I do feel like a superwoman. And I really don’t care if others think otherwise, because I do feel like one.

Especially last night, while mopping the floor at 10pm with the same shirt and pants I wore to the office…..while going through Opi’s homework.

But…I don’t quite care cos I was mopping the floor and admiring my nicely colored pink toenails…gotta have more pedicure sessions!

And maybe I’ll do French manicure tomorrow. Isn’t that life – skip lunch to have my nails / face / hair done…then come back to screaming kids.

White tipped nails do look nice covered with the bubbles of dishwashing liquid and the oily grime of leftover curry…

Tough Love

Sometimes...the best advise is not necessarily the nicest-to-hear ones.

In fact, the term best advise = the advise that can really brings you out of your slums..the one that snaps you back to reality...the one that dry up your tears and gets you going again.

A real-life example - from my wise sister, Dodek.

"Why you want to care if you're spending 'enough' time with your children or not? Your children will know which one is their mother...and which one is the maid...you go ask any kids with maid...they all know-lah. All these anak sayang maid is so cerekarama one..."

It sounded a bit harsh when I first heard it. Of course I want to spend 'enough' time with my children!
But after going through a series of different maids...I realise that at the end of the day, my children will still come back to me. I'm not being arrogant about this - instead I'm giving my children (and all the children with working mothers) the credits for knowing that I'm going to work because I have to - because I've to support them, and not because I don't want to spend time with them.

And it irritates the hell out of me when the maids think that my life revolves around them and how my life depends on them.

On the other hand - God shows us the way...but its up to us to choose our directions.

Maybe it was God's way to show the truth about my maid. I can choose to keep her or terminate her. After some thinking...can I still keep her after knowing the things I knew now? Will I be able to live with my conscience if things go wrong later? Na'uzubillah...

So my precious children - Opi and Isya, the only way Mummy can do may not be the best for you...but trust me on this one. I need your support. I miss Husband so much!

We'll go through this together kids...it may be tough but you know very well that I love you with all my heart!

Lifeline

I’ve been caught!

Never thought anyone from Shell…Shell IT Cyberjaya for that matter will actually ‘accidentally’ read my blog… well CY – I do know you but let’s just play this game and not reveal who I am. Mainly because I’ve confessed a lot of unintelligent stuff in my blog – not nice-lah for my rep! Hahahaha….

And there are times when I bitched about this and that…again…not so nice-lah.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The saga of my maid continues…

Background – I have a temporary maid whom I’ve yet to decide if I want to take her as permanent or let her go, and choose a new one. You know how things are in corporate world where we have a probationary period and most of the time, the staff will be in their best behaviour until confirmed, right? So…as long as we are working for someone else – first rule: behave.

After one month with me, she decided to went off (to the nearest shop which is ½ hour walk…did I mention that my house is remote?) on her own and worst, left the front door wide open!

I did some grilling (not literally or you’d seen another Nirmala Bonat on TV yesterday), only to find out that she was using a different name until recently. Thanks to Jim Bob, a check with the immigration revealed that her previous name was listed as a PATI - Pendatang Asing Tanpa Izin (illegal immigrant).

Jim Bob told me I should mandi bunga to cast away all the bad spells I’ve been having with maids. I just need to quit….

All these normally happen when Husband is away on his trips...maybe I should follow him for his next meeting.

What would you do?

When things don't go as planned...

I am stumped…I didn’t know what went wrong…I did everything right…I know (or thought I knew) how the game works…how did this happened?

If you really know me…you’d know that I’m not joking.

How the hell did I get promoted?

I came to Shell to start a new life. I had enough of managerial shit in my previous workplace. Those jokers made me a manager when I was 27, and for a few years I had to bear all the responsibilities, had to attend all those unnecessary meetings, made decisions that had financial impacts and oh…dressed a certain way and had my lunches alone. After a while, the thrill of a huge cubicle and all the other entitlements was no longer there. I want to be…normal again.

Hence the reason why I am where I am now.

So I played the game right (or so I thought). Jeans and t’shirts replace the suits, my hair is often messy, comes in at 830am and leave (promptly) at 515pm. I talk less in a meeting, don’t give out any ideas, and do all the ‘administrative’ works like meeting minutes, data entry so on. I am so not the promotable type….

Shit-lah…

Now they put me in-charge of the whole unit, with 7 staff reporting to me. Most of them have been in Shell longer than I have.

Adooii….kacau lah like this….

I was just beginning to enjoy my evening gardening….

Ramblings of a Sugar-Deprived Mummy!

Pona came back from her lovey-dovey vacation in Dubai yesterday – so radiant, so dreamy, so….so much stuff for me! She handed over loads and loads of baklavas – there are ones with pistachios, ones with almonds…and loads of ghee and honey, too!

Two bites of extremely sweet baklava and two gulps of teh tarik…repeat that…two bites of baklava and another big gulp of sweet teh tarik…what a life!

“Eh…ada untuk Bang long and Bang Jai ke?”
“Ada…one pack for one family…”

Ok…at least I asked.

Dodek…you missed out on the best baklava..but Pona will always have something for you when you come back for Chinese New Year Hols…err…Dodek…you still remember to buy me those yummy bonbons from Marks & Spencers, right?

Oooo….how-lah to diet?

I just started (today) on Biodex diet, courtesy of too much time surfing the Net under “diet Malaysia” and stumbled upon this forum of makciks who ranted on and on about biodex diet. How they lost 5 kgs in two weeks bla bla. Anyway, I’m always a sucker for all these sales gimmicks…so after paying $240 for three boxes of yucky tasting sachets of I-fell-full-all-the-time, here I am…munching away Jacob’s Sunlife breakfast biscuits because I’m so goddamn hungry!!!

I need to lose all these flabs…I need to be the hip mum that Opi always hinted for. Last Friday, I picked Opi up from school, and I waved and waved at him but somehow, he didn’t (couldn’t??) see me. I playfully asked him later,”how come Opi tak nampak? Mummy dok lambai-lambai kat Opi..”

His answer was simple “Ramai sangat mummies…Opi tak perasan…”

Somehow, I felt a bit offended – you mean, I’m not outstanding? How can I not be visible? Argh….Is this a sign of aging?

Last Thursday, my self-appointed personal trainer drained the life out of me. She’s one sweet lady who turns into a drill sergeant when it comes to exercise. We did circuit training – alternating between aerobics and weights.

“You got rhythm, girl..let’s go…burn those kilos…”

Of course I got rhythm! All those years of boogying at Face2, 11LA and Scandals have got to leave some grooves in me…

I’ve 10 kilos to lose to be happy. If I lose 20 kilos…I’ll register myself at a casting agent…hahaha….

Somebody offered me to join their blog…maybe I’ll write a post or two…

Food for Thought

Over a good lunch at Alamanda, I overheard a man saying to his lady companion
“…you have to be smarter than this, why do you always have to be this dumb..?”

And she answered, in a very clam manner “Dear…God created Einstein to figure out all the formula…so that people like me can enjoy life..”

I almost gave her a standing ovation!

Hellooooo people......

Sigh.

Mak is still feeling under the weather, so she's not as chatty as normal when I call her. Husband is away in Hamburg (again!), Dodek is in London, Pona in la-la land, Jim Bob is around but he's pretty busy with his work.

Mak's house is a mess with the renovation. Dodek and Pona's rooms are torn apart from floor to the roof. The doors are nailed shut. Mak still has to cook at the front porch as the kitchen still doesn't look like one.

Now Aidil Adha is coming soon. Jim Bob is going back to Melaka, I heard.

With no one around and no Mak's house to go to...guess I've to make my own rendang, then.

Anyone coming?

Just...come again another day...

*sniff*
*snort*
*cough*

I’m starting 2005 with a bad bout of flu, cough and a slight fever.

In my castle in the sky:
I’m snuggling with an all downs duvet, which smells sweetly of lavender. The chiffon drapes sway gently to the breeze of the night as I doze in and out of my slumber. The maid prepares me a delicious, steaming hot ‘sup kambing’ to reduce my blocked nose. Isya will be playing her Barbie doll quietly and Opi will be reading Harry Potter in his room. Life will be bliss….

But in all hard reality:
I couldn’t even sit down longer than 5 minutes, much less to take a nap! The two kids were down with flu themselves and needed constant attention – some more milk, rub my back, massage my head, where’s the Vicks, where’s the remote, hungry-lah, sakit itu…sakit ini. Then the maid is totally hopeless when it comes to cooking, even when complete direction written for her. So I had to cook dinner, despite having pounding headaches.

And people wonder why I still come to work with blocked nose and a bad cough??

Then again – this is my life.